This Floating Poo Was Far Too Symbolic! It's the Television Letdowns of the Year.
As we reflect on the television landscape of the past year, a selection of series emerge not for their excellence, but for their notable failures. From cringe-inducing spin-offs to confusingly poor docuseries, here are the programmes that had us utterly bewildered or simply reaching for the remote.
The 'Sex and the City' Sequel
How to start with this divisive follow-up? Burdened with dreadful scripts, painful arcs (justice for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the series struggled to justify its existence. For a moment, as the final series began, it seemed as if it had finally hit its stride. Then came an episode all about Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the showrunner declared this would be the last series. It ended on a low point; the lingering shot of Miranda’s loo flooded with poo was just way too on-the-nose. Still, viewers undeniably had a hoot dissecting every single “wtf?” moment. And as Carrie – once again single – danced around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who couldn't release a small sob?
The Kim Kardashian Drama
‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? The answer is a resounding no.’
But that was practically the smallest of this drama's problems. The subject of a very rare no-star assessment, it was hard to know where to start enumerating the problems. The hilariously wooden dialogue? The mind-numbing glorification of affluence and materialism? The seemingly deliberate procession of tropes? Acting so bad they felt borderline malicious? Let’s just say “each and every one” and never speak of this series again. However, a new season has been commissioned, so we’re likely going to have to.
AKA Charlie Sheen
Given the legal troubles, domestic violence allegations and parental shortcomings, it’s fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not you’d really have gleaned it from this multi-part documentary which smirked its way at Sheen’s various bouts of self-destructive excess while failing to tell us anything we weren't already aware of. Rather, it felt as if this volatile personality was being indulged, so any sympathy this series might induce should be saved for the people who have had to endure proximity with this charming but dismissive narcissist.
The Supercomputer Drama
Naturally we knew it was preposterous from the outset: a thriller about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or destroy all of humanity. We persevered out of pure admiration for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One barely reacted when his character died, and the other ultimately slicing Charlie with an axe … in super slow-motion. That's what you call giving up the ghost.
MobLand
Shady characters meeting in empty boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its crime drama back.
Actually, that is unfair on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many seem a bit old-fashioned now, but at least they didn’t suffer the embarrassment of having to indulge unconvincing dialects. But there were many other problems. Primarily that it was just profoundly boring; a conflict over narcotics territory between various London picaresques which felt a bit basic.
With Love, Meghan
Considering the extent to which she grinds the gears of certain performatively enraged commentators, it’s almost tempting to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s various forays into quaint homemaking as intentional statements. But then you watch them and are compelled to concede that in this case, they might have a point. It’s like watching a homeware catalogue come to life; a poster for evening drinks with ideas of grandeur; a procession of sleeping dogs, buzzing beehives, Hallmark platitudes and forgettable crafting “tips” you’ll forget instantly. All supported by immense, largely unearned wealth. Ugh.
Victoria Beckham
There are clearly interesting things to be said about regarding Victoria Beckham and her journey with career, self-image, self-acceptance. But for some reason, this three-part series chose not to say them. Rather, the viewing was akin to reading a marketing catalogue. She obviously has every right to resent what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But sadly, she didn’t do herself any favours with this guarded letdown of a series.
The Inheritance
It had the potential to be the next cultural phenomenon – except even camper, with a famous star as a deceased benefactor and a sharp-tongued personality overseeing her inheritance. What more could you ask for? As contestants competed, there was plenty of backstabbing and arguing. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s even now too complicated to explain what precisely was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw brief appearances of the star via filmed videos. The show ended up smelling of a production that was trying way too hard to emulate something far greater than it.
The Lena Dunham Romcom
How does one succeed a show that defined a generation? The expectation was immense for this glitzy romantic comedy about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who lands in London with a shattered romance. The star took her biggest role by the horns and was a delight to watch, embodying Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very glossy and, paradoxically, was not enough. Plus, the sheer amount of famous friends involved felt uncomfortable.
The Sketch Show Return
Not even good enough to be ‘uneven’.
Given the shrewd recruitment of gifted emerging comics, hopes were high. But sadly, most of it didn’t land. A particular sketch was a one-note joke stretched to a husk but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a well-known ranting mode. The writing room sketches, meanwhile, simply inspired the thought that they should probably have remained in there a while longer.
The Knox Dramatisation
This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively presented the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an interesting drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this was not it. The material needed to be treated with care. Instead, the series struggled painfully to find the right voice, lumbering from strangely breezy, somewhat stylised farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Twisted? Perhaps. A complete mess? Very much so.
Prime Target
We admire the star … but did we buy him playing the most brilliant maths genius since, a man so intelligent he’s on the brink of a discovery that could destabilise society? Nope! This international thriller about government agencies spying on – and eliminating – intellectuals frankly got more absurd by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.
The Bonnie Blue Documentary
This uncritical portrait followed the content creator notorious for explicit exploits as she undertook her biggest feat yet. What on earth would possess her? What we craved was far greater examination of her actual psyche, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have interviewed the legendary mum who appeared to drag her son away from the queue. What we got was horrific imagery and absolutely no critical analysis of her infamy whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the filmmaker has a young daughter too.
