Late-Night Personalities Lampoon Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Immigration Plan

TV's prominent entertainers spent their evening mocking President Donald Trump's recently launched visa program, dubbed the "gold card," characterizing it as a blatant cash-for-residency arrangement for the affluent.

Stephen Colbert's Sarcastic Take

Starting his broadcast, Stephen Colbert offered a satirical Christmas tune about the commander-in-chief. "He's compiling a list, reviewing it twice, then handing that list to the agents at ICE," he intoned. "Trump ... ruins all he comes into contact with."

The subject was the controversial plan which permits foreign nationals to buy U.S. residence for a sum of $1 million dollars, or "top-tier" tier for five million. An official page pledges processing "with unprecedented speed."

"A brief thought here to rich foreigners: before you pay, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He explained that the card is also designed to "get cash" from companies wanting to hire foreign workers, involving significant fees. "That's a lot of fees, however if you register, you also get free accommodation at a property of your choosing – provided that it's the that one hotel," he added.

"The best vetting the U.S. government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to verify these individuals truly are eligible to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Roast

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."

"It's a card that will allow affluent foreigners to live here," he explained. "For a million dollars, you get legal resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your choice."

"It might be time to update that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your huddled masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel lampooned the brevity of the form, observing it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"That's right, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "That's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Grocery Issues

On another network, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's declining poll numbers during economic anxiety. "People gave Donald Trump a second term because they were mad about the economy," he said.

Recently, in a bid to discuss prices, Trump held a briefing in front of a array of food items, where he reacted peculiarly to some cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."

"He is so extremely weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by criticizing conservative news coverage of Trump's financial performance. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to what FIFA did," he remarked.